If I Didn't Have You

I'm ill. My stomach convinced me so a good thirty minutes ago. Though I didn't wish to at first, I now sit off to the side, water bottle in hand. The gymnastics club is bustling with activity; I can see my group warming up on Trampoline, a recreational class on another one. The men appear to be working pommel; I watch as the coach joins in for a handstand contest. I see another come into view; it's a coach I know very well. Her hair is cut short, a light brown just showing signs of age. She looks tired; she always looks tired. She comes over to check on me, placing her hand on my forehead. Though I don't look up, I know she's frowning.

"You feel clammy...that's wierd, since you look flushed," she says worriedly.

I give a grim smile, twisting the cap off to take a sip. Just sip some water every now and that, that's what my coach, Kelli, told me to do. She thinks it might be something to do with the heat; I don't know.

"You know, you should tell Kelli sooner when you feel bad." She's crouched down, I can see her face. Frowning, but a concerned frown, just like I thought. "I know you want to seem strong," she pats my knee, "I know. I once taught an adult who was diabetic, and she didn't tell me until later that her blood sugar was high. She had me reaching for my keys."

She says something else; I can't remember. She leaves, and I finally take a sp of water. My throat's dry. Was it dry before? The water's warm, and sorta tastes funny. I watch Sherrie, the recreational director, coaching on floor. She had such a way with kids. I decide to phone my mother, who tells me to wait another twenty minutes, then call again to be picked up. Jenn, the head woman's coach, walks into the office while I'm on the phone. I decide to go fill my water bottle, and she's there, and asks what's wrong. I tell her I'm sick, and explain my blood sugars and such. She nods; she looks worried as well. When I go to check my blood sugar again and come back, she and Jenn are talking. I sit down and listen. It feels like there's a bubble around us three. No gym, just us. Jenn leaves to do some work, and I go and phone my mom. She says she's coming. I sit back down, and she cheers me up. Joselyn, an athlete but also a coach, wanders over and says she's joining in. I tell her she might not want to; she explains to Jo that I'm sick. Danielle comes over, and folds the brochue I was reading. Next thing I know, we're in the car. She said that she hoped I feel better; Jenn would've too, but she went over to Kelli to tell her I'm leaving. When we get home, my mom eats supper before heading back to the gym for board work. It's then I realize that I didn't thank her for looking after me, and I feel really bad. My mom returns.

"Barb said that she didn't want to seem like she was nagging you about telling Kelli you're ill. She didn't want it to seem like that." I only smile, tears brimming in my eyes.

How can you be mad at an angel?


- Just by reading this right now, I realize just how much everyone at the gym club cares about me. Even now as I read over this, tears once again fill my eyes. Why do I get so emotional? I really couldn't say. But I love all the people I've grown close to at the gym, and they know that: I never fail to give them a hug when I'm there.